A chain-letter my Daddy-dearest sent to me (quite amusing).
A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of Vodka next to the glass of water. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday, he took the Monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
- Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.
- There are 10 commandments, not 12.
- There are 12 disciples, not 10.
- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
- We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C…
- The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
- David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
- When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
- We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T”.
- When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for this is my body.” He did not say, “Eat me.”
- The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”.
- The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
- Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
The orientation of this letter is still unknown, but it bring luck to everyone who reads it. :]